Sometimes, in conflict, people become like children—backs turned, arms crossed, convinced that the other is entirely at fault, while we ourselves are just the wounded one. And so, we choose the “noble” path of stepping away.
Sometimes, stepping away is truly the healthiest option. You can’t change another person, and distance may be the only path to peace. But before you walk away, it’s essential to take full responsibility for your part in the conflict.
Maybe it was harmful actions. Maybe it was mistakes. Maybe it was simply unspoken pain or gaps in communication. Only by honestly looking at yourself—acknowledging and addressing your side—can you let go without bitterness, with self-respect and inner clarity.
Maybe you’re already nearing the moment for a conversation. Even the decision to turn back toward someone you once turned away from is a huge step. Most people never get that far. So if you have—sincere congratulations.
But a conversation alone isn’t enough. We often enter these talks wanting to share our perspective, to be heard. But real growth doesn’t happen when we speak—it happens when we listen.
So instead of going in with the goal of “telling your truth,” try entering the conversation with the goal of understanding.
See the world through their eyes. Try to understand the lens they’re looking through. Ask where they felt hurt—perhaps by something you said or did, even if it wasn’t intentional.
I can almost guarantee this: if you approach the conversation with these (perhaps unusual) intentions, it will not only go more smoothly—it will become a gift. A gift of growth, clarity, and the discovery of new perspectives. And many conflicts that were born of misunderstanding may dissolve entirely.
The desire to be “right” or to “win” in a relationship conflict is deeply misguided. Because the only real “victory” is growth—and a return to harmony. First, within yourself. And if possible, with the other person too.